Attack of the Deranged Iced Tea
by hebrewhernia
Summary: Val offers to make dinner for her date with Tyler... but there's one issue: Val can't cook- she can't even make iced tea from a mix... madness ensues. REVIEW!


AN: This is based on Islandgurl's and my experiences with iced tea from a mix

AN: This is based on Islandgurl's and my experiences with iced tea from a mix. Thanks for helping me with this idea, sort of, and next time you can mix it, Islandgurl. 

Thanks to Ivy Leaves for reading the first part and helping with the insert key and air quotes.

My other story is coming slowly and this idea was implanted in my mind and won't leave me alone until I write it. 

The first part is humor, the second is all romance and sap and they really ought to be having waffles not chocolate chip cookies. 

Momo Claus @ 12:30 AM + (Iced Tea Mix + Islandgurl) +computer= MADNESS LIKE THIS STORY!!!!! (In case you couldn't tell, I'm hyper- and thinking in equations! The horror!)

Disclaimer: Don't own squat 

Attack of the Deranged Iced Tea 

Val finished painting her toenails green and said to Caitie, "Caitie, I have an issue."

"Val, you have more issues than I can count. You're a cheerleader, you're an overachiever, your hair isn't purple…" Caitie ticked them off on her fingers.

"Caitie! You know what I mean!" Val said indignantly.

Caitie sighed. "Okay Val, what's the problem?" Caitie asked.

"Well, I told Tyler that I would make dinner tonight for a date, and we'd have it here, at my house. And…" Val looked up at Caitie sheepishly, "I can't cook. Help?" 

Caitie burst out laughing. When she finally stopped, she said to Val, "You have got to be kidding. You, Val Lanier, overachiever, can't cook, so you're coming to me for help?" Caitie asked amusedly. 

"Yes," Val said in a small voice.

"Okay, I'll help, but if anyone else finds out that I can cook, you are dead." Caitie took a sip of her iced tea, then immediately spit it back into the cup. Val cringed. "Where did you get this iced tea, Val?" Caitie demanded.

Val cringed again. "I made it from a mix." 

Caitie sighed exasperatedly. "You can't even follow the directions on the package? We've got some serious work to do." she said dramatically and rolled her eyes. 

***

Val listened intently to Caitie as she gave Val a crash-course on cooking. 

"Start with something simple, like a salad. Let's see how badly you can do that. We'll have salad for lunch. " 

Val proceeded to take out a head of lettuce, a tomato, a couple of carrots, and some salad dressing out of the fridge. 

Val washed her hands, then ripped a few pieces off the head of lettuce and dumped them in a bowl roughly and shoved the bowl to the side. She banged around in the drawer until she found the fruit/vegetable peeler, and peeled the carrot a little too much. Okay, a lot too much. The carrot, which had been a one-inch diameter at the large end and a half-inch diameter at the small end, was now a half-inch at the large end, and a quarter-inch and the small end. She chopped the carrot unevenly, dumped it in the bowl with the lettuce, and proceeded to hack the tomato into uneven bits as Caitie sighed in a manner somewhere between disapproving and exasperated. 

Val mixed up all the vegetables with salad tongs, then added salad dressing and served some for Caitie. 

Caitie hesitantly took a small bite of the salad, chewed gingerly, and gulped it down, followed by a long sip of water- she didn't want to drink any more of Val's deranged iced tea. She would have to teach Val to use the mix properly after they finished the salad. 

As Caitie ate, her mind raced. _What's fast, easy, and semi-romantic that can be made for dinner and is almost completely botch-proof? Macaroni and cheese? No, too juvenile, this is a date… chicken? No way, too easy to mess up… rice? What else could she make with it? Pasta shells? No…. Spaghetti! _Caitie came up with a solution. __

_ _

"So? How awful is it?" Val asked Caitie. She was even afraid to try her own salad.

"Well," Caitie said, "I can coach you in making spaghetti, salad, and making iced tea from the mix properly, and it will turn out okay. Maybe we can make chocolate chip cookies if there's time" 

Val sighed. "Oh, good." 

***

10 minutes later found Val and Caitie at the grocery store getting boxed spaghetti and cookies. Val and Caitie agreed to just cheat and buy boxed Entenmann's chocolate chip cookies. 

They grabbed a box of spaghetti and walked over to where the desert aisle was located. They turned to go down the aisle when, "Ohmygosh Caitie it's Tyler!" Val whispered urgently. "What if he sees us?" Val worried as they headed over to a different aisle to find iced tea mix. Caitie had a suspicion that it would take Val more than one try to get it right.

They got the mix and turned into the aisle to get the cookies. A paranoid Val looked around for Tyler to make sure he didn't spot them. When she did spot him once, she grabbed Caitie and they ran into an aisle and pressed themselves up against the wall.When they were sure the coast was clear, they continued on their mission. 

They got everything, paid, and left. 

***

"Okay, Val. This isn't that hard. Where do you keep the measuring spoons?" Caitie asked.Val went to a drawer and got them out. 

"Now, do you have a large pitcher with measurements on the side?" Caitie asked. 

"Yeah." Val said and went to a cupboard. She got out two. "The one on the left or the one on the right?" she asked.

"My right," Caitie said. "There's a little chart on the back of the can. Just measure out that much water, " she said, gesturing, "and that much powder," she gestured again, "and use a wooden spoon to stir it or else shut it tightly and shake it really hard to mix it up." 

Val did as she was told. She then opened the pitcher and hesitantly poured herself a small glass. "Hey! It's okay!" she said, sounding surprised. 

Caitie poured herself a glass and took a sip. "You're right!" She exclaimed, sounding equally surprised. 

Caitie assisted Val in making the spaghetti and salad and before they knew it, it was time for Val to get ready. They ran up the stairs into Val and Brooke's room. 

Val's parents were going out that night, and Brooke was going to the station to finish paperwork, which is why Val and Tyler decided to have it at Val's house in the first place, and their parents were okay with it. After all, they were trustworthy teenagers.

Remembering Tyler's birthday dinner not too long before, Val, with Caitie's and Brooke's assistance, chose a plain, long denim skirt and a nice shirt with a flower pattern. 

***

The doorbell rang as Val got the spaghetti noodles out of the microwave and took the spaghetti sauce (from a jar) off the stove from heating up. She went to the door and let Tyler in. 

"Hi Val. You look great!" Tyler said with a smile.

"Hey. Thanks," Val said while blushing bright pink. 

Val served dinner and they began eating. 

"Hey, Val," Tyler said halfway through the meal, "This is great. Maybe you could do this again sometime? I mean, if you want to." 

"No, no, I don't think so, no, that's okay, how about not?" Val said quickly. 

"Why not?" Tyler asked curiously.

"Do you honestly want to know?" Val asked, hoping he'd say no. 

"Yes." Tyler said, grinning. 

"Ican'tcookIhadtogetsomeonetohelpme," Val said very quickly and sighed.

"What?" Tyler teased, even though he understood her. 

"I can't cook. I can't even make iced tea out of the mix, so-" Val was cut off by Tyler. 

"This iced tea is pretty good, if you ask me." Tyler said. Val sighed exasperatedly. 

"Caitie didn't think so when she was here this morning. So I had to get help from-" Val paused suddenly, realizing that she was about to tell Tyler something she wasn't allowed to tell. "-from a friend." Val finished. 

"Oh." Tyler smirked. 

"Hey!" Val said indignantly. "Why don't you cook next time!" Val said mischievously. 

"Okay, I will." Tyler said.

"Fine!" Val said.

"Fine!" said Tyler, and they both erupted in laughter. 

"We sound," Val wheezed, "Like a couple…of…little kids…hahaha!" 

After they stopped laughing, they finished dinner and went out on the porch for dessert. 

"Val, I had a really good time tonight," Tyler said after they finished dessert. Val 'discreetly' popped a breath mint in her mouth. Tyler noticed, but pretended not to … but he took it as a hint.

"Me too."_Okay, Tyler. Just do it. _Tyler thought. 

And he leaned in… closer…_oh, boy, this is it, _thought Val… closer… 

"Hey Val! Hey Tyler!"They looked up, startled, and there was Brooke. 

"Am I interrupting something here? Sorry." Brooke quickly said. 

Looking at her watch, Val said, "I thought you weren't coming back for another hour!" 

Brooke smiled sheepishly. "I forgot some papers." 

Val sighed as Brooke ran inside. 

"Sorry about that." Val apologized. 

Tyler leaned in close… _This is really it, _Val thought….closer…_This is really it, _thought Tyler… and they kissed. 

Sparks erupted, fireworks like the fourth of July. And they kissed again…and again… 

*

Upstairs, Brooke peeked out the bedroom window to see what Tyler and Val were doing. She was at the perfect angle to see them kissing. "Ew, gross!" she said out loud to herself.She found the papers and went out the back door. 

*

Brooke ran around the front and grabbed her bike quietly, and Val and Tyler never even noticed. 

***

"Val, I really had a nice time tonight. I have to go now. " Tyler gave Val a kiss on the cheek and left. 

"Bye, Tyler!" she called after him before shutting the door and leaning against it dramatically. 

Unfortunately, by then an hour had passed, and Brooke was back. She opened the door, ruining Val's moment of drama. 

"So Val? How was it?" nosy Brooke inquired. Val and Brooke went upstairs, and talked the rest of the night. 

***

AN: It's over. Do you want a sequel? REVIEW!! 


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